Worldwide Noos (29 April)

• What's green and red, green and red, green and red? Cops in Peru have saved 4,000 frogs from - being juiced! The frogs were discovered packed in boxes in a Lima warehouse, waiting to be liquidized. It seems 'Frogshakes' are popular among Peruvians as a stimulant that's said to enhance male sexual performance. The rescued hoppers have been released at a nature preserve.
• Tobin Brothers Funeral in Melbourne, Australia is offering a riced up hearse, complete with chrome handrails, tinted windows, pop-out cup holders, mini-bar, DVD player, coffee maker, and atmospheric lighting. The mint green hearse can hold up to 12 mourners ... and a coffin, of course. Renting out this pimped out funeral bus adds circa $750 to the cost of granny's funeral.
• Only in Los Angeles! 56-year-old criminal defence attorney Ronald S Miller has a second job, moonlighting as - adult film star 'Don Hollywood'! He's appeared in more than 90 films in the past 7 years. His wife, a former accountant, is also an adult film actor.
• A Russian man who woke up with a splitting headache after a heavy drinking session found - a kitchen knife stuck in his face, just below his eye. It seems an insulted drinking buddy took revenge when the guy passed out. Fortunately, the knife was successfully removed in a 40-minute operation.
• The Zierikzee [zeer-ick-ZEE] Residential Home for Seniors in Zeeland, the Netherlands is set to open a - 'bounce room'. The facility will offer hot-to-trot couples a double bed, a fireplace and a bottle of wine for special 'dates'. It already has one booking from an 80-year-old resident and her husband. And this being uber-liberal Holland - hookers are also allowed!

Traumatic Tales Of Traffic (28 April)

Horrific driving stories that may make you consider mass transit ...

• A 21-year-old Leamington ON woman has been fined $110 after being charged with driving while - watching TV. Windsor cops spotted her watching a DVD music video on a portable monitor sitting on her dashboard.
• An inattentive driver in Tucson AZ who was talking on a cell phone to his wife failed to notice when his Toyota Corolla drifted under the trailer of an 18-wheeler in the next lane. The car became stuck and was dragged 800 feet. The 21-year-old has been charged with speeding, possession of drug paraphernalia, and - driving with a suspended license.
• A 24-year-old being tailed by Florida Highway Patrol for speeding, ended up leading them on a 140-mph motorcycle chase while going the wrong way in rush-hour traffic near Miami. He was not only arrested but also told not to bother showing up for his scheduled physical next week to qualify for - the Florida Highway Patrol.

Big Brother's Watching You ... Even Closer (28 April)

In a move that rankles privacy advocates, Microsoft has announced it's adding the software equivalent of a flight data recorder to the next version of 'Windows' in an effort to better analyze and prevent computer crashes. The device will be similar to the existing error-reporting tool but will provide Microsoft with much deeper information, such as what programs were running at the time of the error and the contents of documents that were being created. Businesses will be able to have the data sent to their own IT managers when an employee's machine crashes.
- ZD Net

Buzzwords (27 April)

Cutting-edge vocab ...

• 'Infomania' - A temporary period of enhanced stupidity caused by overuse of text messages and e-mails. A University of London study finds it can lower IQ by as much as 10 points - more than twice as much as cannabis use.
• 'Overuse Syndrome' - It was first thought that video game players were most susceptible to these stress injuries (such as tendonitis) from handheld electronic devices, but now orthopaedists say adults are more prone to get them. Why? Kids' bodies are more tolerant of overuse than adults simply because they are younger.
• 'Illanaaq the Inukshuk' - It's been unveiled as the official logo of the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver, but it turns out it's not an 'Inukshuk' (in-uk-shook) at all. That refers to a traditional Inuit stone marker used as a sign or reminder while 'Illanaaq' (ih-lah-nawk) represents a person, which would make it an 'inunnguaq' (in-uhn-gwak). By the way, Illanaaq is Inuktitut for 'friend'.

More Bot Bits (27 April)

• Just call it 'Team Bot' - researchers at Ottawa-based Frontline Robotics have created robots which work as a team with an elected leader making the best decisions for the group. (ANI)
• Remote-controlled rats - rodents with brain implants - are being developed to scour enemy bases and sniff out explosives for the US military. ("New Scientist")
• The world's first 'robocop' has been promoted to police chief for a day in Fukuoka, Japan. 'T63 Artemis', a 5 ft-2 in, 220-lb bot, was put in charge of traffic safety, handing out flyers at a train station. ("Mail & Guardian")

True Crime (27 April)

• A 59-year-old Oshkosh WI woman convicted of embezzling $3,000 from labour union accounts has been given an odd sentence from a judge - either spend 90 days in jail or donate her family's Green Bay Packers tickets for 3 games next season to the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
• An African gunman who tried to rob the Mali Development Bank was busted after his invisible charms failed to work. The man in his 30s was wearing 15 kilos (33 lbs) of gris-gris (gree-gree), supposedly magical talismans, that he believed made him invisible. Seems they didn't work on the cops - they shot him, then arrested him.

Anti-TV Guerrillas (27 April)

This week is "TV-Turnoff Week" and a band of anti-TV guerrillas in Britain is using an odd way of getting the message out. They're taking direct action against TV in public places using a new gizmo called 'TV-B-Gone'. The glorified remote control, about the size of a key ring, turns off TV sets within a 45-foot radius. The protesters, known as 'White Dot', plan to visit restaurants, bars and other public places they believe are ruined by the presence of TV and forcibly turn off the sets, leaving behind posters protesting how background TV hum has replaced the art of conversation. The group's motto is - "Turn off that TV set, go outside and live!"
- "The Guardian"

Hey, What's Your Type? (26 April)

For years South Koreans and the Japanese have believed - without any scientific backing whatsoever - that out personalities are revealed by our blood type. In Japan, this isn't just superstitious fluff - blood type is actually a criterion used for hiring and all major Japanese car companies organize their staff according to blood type combinations. Here's a checklist of what are believed to be the characteristics of each blood type ...

• TYPE-A (known as 'Farmers'): They are shy, introverted perfectionists. They are considerate to others and cannot tell a lie easily. They are loyal to friends and co-workers. They can be secretive, though, and don't often share their feelings. They don't hold their liquor well.
• TYPE-B ('Hunters'): They have independent spirits with strong personalities. While they don't care what others think of them, they are extremely passionate about the things they hold dear. They can be shallow, lazy and quite impatient.
• TYPE-AB ('Humanists'): They are an unpredictable, distant lot, but tend to use their heads over their hearts. They are good with money. They seek accord and so work well as mediators; however, they can be viewed as two-faced.
• TYPE-O ('Warriors'): They are outgoing, expressive and passionate. They are highly motivated and natural leaders. Blessed with a strong physical presence, they aren't afraid to gamble because they are so convinced they will win. They are natural athletes. They tend to be obsessive in their quest for success, and this can make them boring to others.

Animal Tales (26 April)

• Visitors to parks in Hamburg, Germany are being warned to watch out for - exploding toads! Eyewitnesses say the toads swell up to 3-and-a-half times their normal size before suddenly exploding, sending entrails flying into the air. Several thousand have combusted in just the past few days but so far the cause is a complete mystery.
• A rubber duck sat in a dog's stomach for 5 years before being removed by Swedish vets. The owner of 'Apollo', a boxer, assumed the toy had dissolved in his stomach over the years as it had not come out any other way. But when the dog began throwing up and refused to drink, the owner took the animal to a vet and the toy was removed. The duck had turned black and gone rock-hard.
• In Thailand, a woman organized a funeral for a lizard she believed was possessed by her deceased 12-year-old son's spirit. Mourners gathered at the woman's home for the farewell to 'Yui' the lizard. The reptile had been adopted by the family, fed milk and yogurt - the son's favourite food - and was allowed to sleep in the dead boy's bed. The woman says losing the lizard was like losing her son a second time.

I, Robot (25 April)

• A robot suit has been developed that may help seniors and those with disabilities to walk or lift heavy objects. The latest version of 'HAL' (Hybrid Assistive Limb) will be unveiled at the "2005 World Expo" in Aichi, Japan this June. It's a motor-driven metal 'exoskeleton' that you strap onto your legs to power-assist leg movements. The system is so sophisticated it actually responds fractionally faster to brain signals than the user's own muscles. It's expected to hit the commercial market by the end of the year.
  - "New Scientist"
• In the United Arab Emirate of Qatar a robot is being developed to replace young boys as camel jockeys. During a trial run, Swiss robotics firm K-Team managed to have its robot nicknamed 'Kamel' race a real-life camel 2.5 km (1.5 miles) at 40 km/hr (24 mph). It's expected that all camel racers in Qatar will be mechanical by 2007. Why? Human rights groups have long protested the use of some 40,000 boy jockeys, some of as young as 4, who are sometimes bought from their parents or kidnapped to learn the trade. Unlike real jockeys, the 27-kg (60-lb) robots will be equipped with both GPS - and shock absorbers.
  - Canadian Press

Pope Hustler (22 April)

If the newly-elected pope wants his own website, he'll have to talk to Jacksonville FL technical writer Rogers Cadenhead. He purchased the rights to BenedictXVI.com on APRIL 1st - more than 2.5 weeks before Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger announced he would assume the papacy under the name Benedict XVI. Cadenhead says it was an educated guess because newly-elected popes often take the names of previous popes in honour of them. To cover the bases he also bought the rights to ClementXV.com, InnocentXIV.com, LeoXIV.com, PaulVII.com and PiusXIII.com. It's paying off - he's been getting 100 hits a minute on the site.
- "Wired News"

Art Attacks (22 April)

• Today actress Salma Hayek ("Frida") joins an Inuit protest against global warming in Iqaluit where about 1,000 people will form an 'art project' in the shape of a gigantic Inuit drum dancer, which will photographed from the air and distributed around-the-world.
• For a new 'art exhibit', a group of artists in Santiago, Chile has kidnapped a cow on its way to a slaughter house, then lifted it by crane to the rooftop of a 10-story building that's been outfitted as a farm, complete with fences and pasture. The 'art installation' will last a week after which the cow will be released on a nature reserve.
• As part of a 'live art exhibition' at the DNA Gallery in Berlin, Germany, a 27-year-old woman has given birth in front of dozens of spectators. Her husband says the 'existential work of art' is a gift to humanity. The 'artwork', a healthy baby girl, has been named Audra.

Worldwide Noos (22 April)

• An Argentine woman came home after a 3-month trip abroad to find a couple living in her house. The squatters not only moved in but redecorated the entire apartment, knocking down walls and putting in windows. The usurpers have been arrested but are now suing the rightful owner for close to $4,000 - to cover the cost of renovations!
• An entomologist with Britain's Natural History Museum has discovered a new species, which traditionally grants him the rights to name it. Quentin Wheeler has proposed naming the variations of the new species after George Bush, Dick Cheney & Donald Rumsfeld (Agathidium bushi, A cheneyi & A rumsfeldi), an idea which has upset some because - it's a slime-mould beetle.

Tasteful Art (21 April)

36-year-old Australian-born NYC painter Sid Chidiac has a unique way of making his paintings popular - they're made entirely of fine Belgian chocolate! In the past 3 years, he's conjured up dozens of edible portraits, from Marilyn Monroe to Oprah Winfrey, that also feature an edible frame, canvas and paint. They look so yummy, they have to be cordoned off at exhibitions to keep sweet-toothed art lovers from sampling. Chidiac says they're not designed to be eaten at all, although he can't resist licking his brushes clean.
- Agence France Presse

World's Best Airports (21 April)

Here are the top international terminals according to a just-released annual poll by airline research firm Skytrax, based on 31 criteria including access, comfort, cleanliness, wait times, shopping and service. Note that not one of the top 10 is in North America.
10. Sydney Airport - Sydney, Australia
9. Copenhagen Airport - Copenhagen, Denmark
8. Schiphol - Amsterdam, the Netherlands
7. Kuala Lumpur International - Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
6. Dubai International - Dubai UAE
5. Kansai International - Osaka, Japan
4. Munchen Airport - Munich, Germany
3. Incheon International - Seoul, South Korea
2. Changi International - Singapore
1. Hong Kong International - Hong Kong, China
- "Forbes" magazine.

Words Not Yet In The Dictionary (21 April)

These aren't real words yet ... but they should be!

• 'Disconfect' - To 'sterilize' food you dropped on the floor by blowing on it.
• 'Burgacide' - When a hamburger can't take any more torture and hurls itself into the coals.
• 'Elcelleration' - Repeatedly pushing the elevator button to make it arrive faster.
• 'Memnants' - The chipped or broken M&Ms at the bottom of the bag.
• 'Bubblic' - Addicted to popping the bubbles in packing material.
• 'Aquadextrous' - The ability to turn the bathtub taps on and off with your toes.
• 'Squatcho' - The button on the top of a baseball cap.
• 'Accordionated' - Being able to drive and fold a road map at the same time.
• 'Napjerk' - The sudden convulsion of the body just as one is about to doze off.

Spray-On Stone (20 April)

Canada is the first country in the world to approve a 'cannabis spray' that relieves pain for people suffering from multiple sclerosis. Bayer AG will market the drug 'Sativex' in Canada, which is administered through a spray in the mouth. It's expected to become available by late spring.
- "Globe & Mail"

Too Stupid For Us To Make Up (20 April)

• Seattle WA police have launched an investigation to determine how a patient undergoing emergency heart surgery - caught on fire! The male patient went up in flames after alcohol poured on his skin was ignited by a surgical instrument.
• An Essex UK motorist has suffered a broken nose while driving after he was hit by - a frozen sausage thrown through his window!
• Sweden's beleaguered prime minister Goran Persson who's facing a general election admits he relieves stress by compulsively consuming - cheese! He says that when pressure builds, he consumes whole plates of 4 or 5 different kinds.

Buzzwords (20 April)

New cutting-edge vocab ...

• 'Demon Eyes' - This is what you get if you have a brow lift and too much Botox, causing central eyebrow drop, like the devil.
• 'Do Tank' - A research institute that focuses on actions rather than ideas. (As opposed to a 'Think Tank'.)
• 'Sphincter Bleaching' - Fairly self-explanatory, it was previously only practised by adult film stars and sex trade workers. Nowadays, a slew of lotions, creams and coloring products are available to the general public.

Burning Desire (19 April)

Crispy, thin-crust pizza may soon be a thing of the past in Italy, where wood-burning ovens may be abolished under a new law limiting air pollution. The National Consumers' Union warns that restaurateurs and bakeries would have to stop using the ovens if their emissions exceed new pollution limits. Italy, which boasts 30,000 pizzerias, has reacted badly to the news, with one newspaper claiming the smell of bread is a, quote: "Physical emotion that leads to fantasy, recalling one's childhood and a world of flavours and rituals, which all lead back to the oven."
- "Daily Telegraph"

SWAT Becomes SWAM (19 April)

The Mesa AZ Police Department is seeking about $100,000 in federal grant money in order to find and train a new member for its SWAT team - a monkey! The average capuchin monkey weighs only 3 to 8 lbs, has tiny humanlike hands and puzzle-solving skills. Top cops say it would be able to get into places no officer or robot could go and could unlock doors, search buildings and find suicide victims on command.
- KOLD / AP

True Crime (18 April)

• A 69-year-old Wadebridge UK woman discovered a man clambering on her roof in the middle of the night and proceeded to knock out the burglar by hitting him with - a garden gnome! It bounced off his head, leaving him lying dazed. Then the quick-thinking granny fetched her rolling pin and a camera, and proceeded to take photos of the intruder while neighbours called the cops. Why the rolling pin? She didn't want to break another gnome.
• Police in Pitesti, Romania used common sense to catch a thief suspected of stealing a cell phone in a busy store - they simply called the phone. When a 34-year-old woman's underwear began ringing, a female cop strip-searched her and found she'd stashed the phone in her crotch. Perhaps not surprisingly, the owner declined to take the phone back.
• For 13 years, a 47-year-old man from Bielefeld, Germany has held a grudge against the dentist who allegedly pulled out the wrong teeth. After a heavy drinking session, his anger boiled over and he drove to the dental office looking for revenge. Upon seeing someone leaving, the former patient impulsively tried to run him down with his vehicle. But, much like the tooth man, the patient goofed up too - he tried to run over the wrong dentist. The gummy man's now facing charges of attempted manslaughter.

End Of The World Update (18 April)

The death of the Pope has rekindled interest in the prophecies of Saint Malachy, a 12th-century Irish bishop whose predictions foretell that there will only be 2 more popes before the end of the world. According to the legend, St Malachy had a remarkable gift for prophetic visions and supposedly predicted the exact day and hour of his own death in 1148 AD. His most famous prediction concerns his vision of 112 popes who were to lead the church after his death. John Paul II was the 110th, and if Malachy's prediction is accurate, the final pope whom he called 'Peter the Roman' will rule at a time when "the city of the 7 hills (Jerusalem) will be destroyed, and the formidable Judge will judge the people."
- newsmax.com

Scientists Say (15 April)

A compendium of recent 'discoveries' ...

• Scientists say ... reading the newspaper upside down can help you stay sharp. Regular, complex stimulation bolsters brain cells and sharpens wits. Other activities that might help - brushing your teeth with the opposite hand, and sleeping on a different side of the bed every night.
• Scientists say ... a giant exploding star may have killed 60% of all sea life around 450 million years ago.
• Scientists say ... tiny particles linked to a number of painful and sometimes deadly diseases may be spreading around the globe by - hitching a ride in clouds. The particles, known as nanobacteria, are 100 times smaller than typical bacteria.
• Scientists say ... losing weight could be as easy as listening to Mozart. Howzat? People who eat meals while listening to classical music tend to take smaller bites and chew their food slower, thereby consuming fewer calories.

The Swarm (14 April)

NASA engineers are testing a robot that they hope to shrink to 'nanobot' size and eventually form what they call 'Autonomous Nanotechnology Swarms' (ANTS). The researchers aim to give ANTS enough artificial intelligence to make smart decisions as well as know intuitively when and how to walk and swarm. The nanobots would also have flexibility to change shape as needed.
- "Christian Science Monitor"

Worldwide Noos (14 April)

• If you're fighting traffic on the way to work this morning, just be thankful you're not in the city of Ayolas, Paraguay. At least 16 auto accidents have been caused there by an invasion of - millions of creepy-crawly beetles! The plague has also forced schools and shops to close.
• A terrorist alert aboard a Hamburg, Germany commuter train has ended happily when it was discovered the 'terrorist' was actually an actor on the way home from the set of an action movie. Seems Alexander Scheer was in such a hurry to catch the train he forgot he still had his - replica gun strapped in a holster under his camouflage costume!
• A 46-year-old Kawkulh, India man has registered an unusual last will. The farmer with the unusual name of New World Laldingliana has stipulated that his remains should be - devoured by wild animals.
• Vienna-based chocolate maker Chocolatier Hochleitner has joined forces with the Al Ain Camel Farm & Dairy in the United Arab Emirates to create a new delicacy - camel milk chocolates. Camel milk is said to be a good alternative for chocolate because it's lower in fat and sweeter than cow milk.

Buzzwords (13 April)

Leading edge vocab ...

• 'Open Loops' - The incomplete tasks and projects in your life that constantly cycle through your head, leading to anxiety, stress, and creative constipation.
• 'Nouse' - A peripheral computer device that tracks the movement of the tip of your nose to control a cursor.
• 'Narcipost' - A shamelessly egocentric blog post that's of little interest to anyone besides the person who posted it.

Too Stupid For Us To Make Up (13 April)

• 'Ms Wheelchair Wisconsin' has been stripped of her title because pageant officials say a newspaper photo proves she can stand up. 30-year-old Janeal Lee of Appleton WI, who has Muscular Dystrophy, was snapped by a paper standing among her high school math students. She admits she can walk for brief periods of time but does not feel she should be penalized for 'not being disabled enough'. She had planned to go to the 'Ms Wheelchair America' pageant in July with her younger sister who also has MD and won the Minnesota title.
• Two editors at the University of Calgary's "Gauntlet" student newspaper have been suspended after publishing a photo of stripper with the professional name of 'Honey Houston' wearing a chain-mail bikini at the school's 'Sexual Health Awareness Show'. Not only did the student union deride the photo as being in poor taste but a university VP also weighed in, calling it 'gratuitous, graphic and entirely unacceptable'. A student at the university is so pissed, she's demanding the paper be shut down - and she's the stripper!

Time To Rent "Chocolat" Again! (12 April)

Sony has patented a device that lets TV viewers experience smells, tastes and even a sense of touch while watching a movie. According to patent documents, pulses of ultrasound would be fired at an audience's heads to alter the normal neural circuitry in key parts of the brain. A spokesperson for the company says nothing of that description is even in the planning stage yet - they're just snapping up the rights in case future technology heads in that direction.
- "Social Studies"

Save Toby Or Else! (12 April)

This is the sorry state of marketing in 2005: a British man is asking for donations from the public in order to stop him from - slaughtering his pet rabbit! According to his Website, "Toby is the cutest little bunny on the planet. Unfortunately he will die on June 30, 2005 if you don't help." The threat is that only $50,000 in donations will stop Toby from becoming part of a tasty stew. You can also help the bunny's cause by buying Toby gear - T-shirts, posters, sweatshirts, stickers, and "The Save Toby Cookbook". The sorriest thing about this sad scheme is the Website claims it has already collected close to $25 grand!
For more info check out the Save Toby website.

The Science Of Consumerism (12 April)

Design Continuum Inc is a consulting firm in Massachusetts that studies human behaviour in hopes of designing better consumer products. Some of its findings ....

• When it comes to buying audio systems, men buy speakers and women try to hide them.
• The users of conventional floor mops spend about as much time cleaning the mop as they spend cleaning the floor.
• People under showers spend most of their time with their eyes closed. Given the choice, people prefer the sensation of larger water droplets enveloping them, but they believe such a nozzle would waste water.
• In Germany, BMW drivers were wired with blood-pressure monitors and then put through tests that included driving on autobahns where there is no speed limit. The most stressful situation? Parallel parking.

Worldwide Noos (12 April)

• Despite her 6-month suspended prison sentence for feeding her pals marijuana-laced cookies, Patricia Tabram of East Lea UK says she'll keep cooking with the stuff. "I had it this morning in my scrambled eggs and I'll have it again for lunch," she says. Oh, by the way, Tabram is a 66-year-old, white-haired granny!
• A man from Medellin, Colombia has changed his name to 'Deportivo Independiente Medellin', after his favourite football team. Giraldo Zuluaga fought for 7 years in court to have the right to legally change to that name.
• An overzealous attempt to get rid of cockroaches in a Thai restaurant in Perth, Australia sparked an explosion that blew the entire joint sky-high. Three workers were hospitalized with burns after the roach killer they were using exploded when it came into contact with an oven pilot light. Oh yeah ... they were using 36 aerosol cans of the stuff!
• A 37-year-old woman in New Delhi, India committed suicide last week in order to donate her eyes to her 2 blind sons. Unfortunately, doctors say a cornea transplant will not help either son regain their vision.
• A Russian man born with genitals so small he was unable to have sex has been given the chance to lead a normal love life after a new penis was 'grown' on his arm during pioneering surgery. In an 11-hour operation, plastic surgeons in Moscow removed the 28-year-old's undersized appendage and stitched it on to his left forearm, where they grafted on additional flesh and tissue taken from his inner arm. The newly enlarged organ, which has grown from less than 2 inches to nearly 7 inches, was then reattached to his groin.

Faking It (11 April)

Scotland Yard detectives, investigating the deaths of almost 170 Brits in the Asian tsunami, believe that as many as 10% may have used the disaster to fake their deaths. Fraud artists, bankrupts and people facing criminal charges could be exploiting the tragedy just as more than 40 people used the 9/11 attacks in America to try to fake their deaths.
- "Sunday Times of London"

The Butt Pill (11 April)

The race is on between pharmaceutical companies in the US, the UK and France to develop a pill that can help stop the addictive effects of nicotine. It's expected to be the next hugely lucrative product in the industry. Various approaches are being developed from creating drugs which mimic or block nicotine's chemical reactions within the body to creating a drug which occupies the pleasure receptors in the brain so the pleasure created by cigarettes cannot be felt, thereby eliminating the cravings when a person stops smoking.
- AP / "Curious Times"

What A Wonka Idea (8 April)

Filmmaker Tim Burton is spending a fortune to train squirrels to crack nuts for his new film "Charlie & The Chocolate Factory". The wack director aims to recreate the 'nut room' from Roald Dahl's popular novel and has been teaching 200 critters to crack and sort nuts and load them onto a conveyor belt. The stunt rodents were recruited at birth and subjected to 6 months of intensive training. The film will star Johnny Depp as 'Willy Wonka'.
- "The Sun"

International Noos (8 April)

• CSIs in Kassel, Germany feared the worst when a woman found eyeglasses and false teeth in her flowerbed. After digging up the entire garden looking for a body, they finally cracked the case when they found a wallet containing ID. The owner subsequently admitted he lost his possessions after falling over a garden wall during a night of boozing. He just couldn't remember which one!
• 2004 Nobel Physics laureate Frank Wilczek has become the subject of an unusual eBay auction. Enterprising students from a Swedish high school offered the chance to own DNA from a Nobel winner by rescuing some from the drinking glass he sipped while visiting the school. Proceeds go to a worthy cause - a field trip for the clever seniors!
• Texas oilman John Brown, founder of Zion Oil & Gas, is using the Bible as his guide to finding crude in the Holy Land. He claims Moses' blessing to one of the 12 Tribes of Israel in Deuteronomy 33:24 indicates there is oil under the Kibbutz Maanit in northern Israel, where he's now drilling. No luck so far.
• Online casino GoldenPalace.com's latest eBay acquisition in the interest of publicity is a Dorito in the shape of - the Pope's hat.

True Crime (8 April)

• A Denver CO dad is marketing a 2-volume set of his serial-killer son's lurid, videotaped confessions - for $39.95 each. Randolph White, father of Richard Paul White, who murdered 2 women, a male pal and several hookers, is hyping it as 'brutal and disturbing' and 'an excellent example of professional police work'.
• A Catholic priest will conduct a special graveyard prayer session to ward off evil after vandals smashed 73 graves at a cemetery in Brisbane, Australia. But it's not just the desecration that's disturbing, it's what was left behind - black candles, fish with stakes in them, gutted black cats, discarded medical gloves - and oodles of used condoms.
• The state of Missouri is looking to make it a felony offence for prison inmates to expose others to bodily fluids. The motivation for this may not be what you expect - it seems a few prisoners have been saving up saliva all-day-long in Styrofoam cups, then launching them at prison guards.

The Twitch Switch (7 April)

Researchers at the University of Glasgow in Scotland have developed what they call 'audio clouds' for controlling electronics. The practical use may be that someday you'll be able to run gizmos and gadgets in your home and vehicle using only movements or sounds. For instance, you might be able to change tracks on digital music players of the future with a mere nod of the head, or perhaps by making a specific sound.
- BBC World News

A True Lightweight (7 April)

Caltech scientists have managed to measure the mass of a cluster of xenon atoms at just a few billionths of a trillionth of a gram - or a few 'zeptograms'. The record measurement was made using ultra-sensitive, hi-tech scales. To get accurate measurements of sophisticated molecules like proteins, researchers say, the scales will have to become even more precise - 1,000 times more so in fact, capable of weighing 'yoctograms'.
- World Entertainment News

Choking On Cat Fur (6 April)

Up until now it's been thought that most air pollutants - known as 'aerosols' - were made up of mineral dust, clay and sea salt. But now, after intensive study of air samples, researcher Ruprecht Jaenicke of the Institute for Atmospheric Physics at Germany's Mainz University has discovered that 25% to 40% of air particles are actually made up of biological materials. Those materials can include bacteria, plant fragments, spores, fungi, and animal fur, plus - human dandruff and skin!
- "Science"

Mind Reader (6 April)

A paralyzed man has become the first to benefit from a brain chip that reads the mind. 25-year-old Matthew Nagle was left paralyzed from the neck down after a knife attack in 2001, but after pioneering surgery at the New England Sinai Hospital in Stoughton MA, he can now control everyday objects by thought alone. The imbedded 'BrainGate' chip reads his mind and sends the thoughts to a computer for deciphering. Among the functions he can 'think' into motion are turning his TV on and off, changing channels and altering volume.
- BBC World News

One Small Step For ... Labrador (6 April)

With NASA planning for a return mission to the Moon, training efforts may be aided by - rocks from Labrador. It seems the lunar landscape is mostly composed of anorthosite, a type of rock that is rare on Earth but plentiful in northern Labrador. That's why the University of New Brunswick's Planetary & Space Science Centre (PASS) is asking the Labrador Inuit Development Commission to send samples of the stuff, quarried from Ten Mile Bay. The Centre's director, John Spray, says the idea is to try and replicate the lunar surface so that scientists can practice with it prior to actually going to the Moon.
- CBC News

Buzzwords (6 April)

New terms leaking into the lingo ...

• 'Wrap Rage' - Extreme anger caused by product packaging that is difficult to open or manipulate.
• 'Prostitot' - A child who dresses like a hooker. ("Did you see that woman taking her kids into the BeBe store? No wonder they're such prostitots!")
• 'Prostitante' - A young celeb (debutante) who dresses like a hooker. (For more info, see Paris Hilton.)

She Sells Sea Smells (5 April)

Teen surfer Bethany Hamilton, who's been surfing competitively since age 11 (even though she lost her left arm in a shark attack off Hawaii a couple years back), is launching 2 fragrances aimed at capturing the smell of the ocean. The new scents are both named in 'surfer speak' - 'Stoked' is for girls and 'Wired' for guys. A percentage of sales will go to World Vision, an international humanitarian organization. Hamilton claims the scents suggest all the good aromas and memories of a great day at the beach.
- "USA Today"

Worldwide Noos (5 April)

• Male ballet dancers in Australia are letting it all hang out in contract talks, demanding more - G-strings and jockstraps. A union rep says some progress has been made: it asked for 5 jockstraps per dancer and got 4, but the G-string issue, however, is still up in the air.
• Japanese company SolidAlliance has developed a USB memory stick for computers that is also a - ghost detector. 'GhostRadar' purportedly detects invisible phenomena and gives off both audio and visual alarms in response to unusual magnetic waves. It's said to be perfect for people who spend spooky late nights alone at the computer. The device's memory and spook detector functions are not linked.

Worst Must-Have Inventions (5 April)

This is "Worldwide Innovation Month", a good time to review the annual 'Lemelson-MIT Invention Index' of the gizmos and gadgets that we most hate, but can't live without. 2005's top 5 worst offenders that most of us say we simply must have are: the cell phone, alarm clock, TV, razors, and the microwave oven.
- CNN/Money

Making An Ash Of Oneself (4 April)

76-year-old Olive Cook of Old Harlow, England has had her late husband's remains packed into 18 fireworks shells which were then set off in a field behind her home. She says she wanted to celebrate her husband Robert's life and besides - the local cemetery is running out of room. The display was the first by a new fireworks funeral service called 'Heavens Above'. Owner Fergus Jamieson says it's a lot like life ... short but sparkling. The service costs circa $2,800.
- "The Sun"

The Gentle Alarm (1 April)

Axon Sleep Research Laboratories is developing a headband called 'SleepSmart' that's designed to be worn overnight. Rather than waking you up at a precise time - say 7am - the headband monitors your brain waves using special sensors and wakes you up sometime in the half-hour leading up to 7am when you are in a light phase of sleep, which is far less traumatic than being jolted out of a deep-sleep phase.
- "Boston Globe"

I Can Hear For Miles And Miles (1 April)

Today 35-year-old Gerrard Gosens of Brisbane, Australia sets out to climb Mount Everest. That wouldn't be particularly noteworthy except - he's blind! He says his friends think it's an April Fool's joke, but it's not. His climb will not be much different from a sighted person's, although he'll be assisted by 2 Sherpa guides (who run up and down the damn mountain all day). If he makes it, Gosens won't be the first blind climber atop the world's tallest peak. That honour goes to American adventurer Erik Weihenmayer who reached the summit in 2001.
- "The Australian"

Scientists Say (1 April)

A compendium of recent 'discoveries' ...

• Scientists say ... parents should help their kids do homework. A long-term study finds that making homework fun and lending support helps motivate kids and makes them more persistent.
• Scientists say ... playing video games could help you look younger. How so? Some experts believe the exaggerated facial expressions made during a gaming session may help reduce the signs of aging.
• Scientists say ... a good beating with a cane on the naked buttocks is a way to cure everything from depression to alcoholism. Russian researchers at the Novosibirsk Institute of Medicine say that caning releases endorphins, leading to feelings of euphoria, a reduction of appetite, the release of sex hormones and an enhancement of the immune response.

April Fool's Day (1 April)

Today is "April Fool's Day". The custom of playing practical jokes on friends was part of the celebrations in ancient Rome on March 25th, known as "Hilaria". The timing seems related to the vernal equinox and the coming of Spring, when nature fools us with sudden changes. A few foolish facts ...

• Many say the observance originated with the reform of the calendar when "New Year's Day" was moved from April 1 to January 1. Those who clung to the old "New Year's Day" were scoffed at as 'fools' and sent fake party invitations and prank gifts. That tradition began in France around 1564, where an 'April Fool' is called a 'poisson d'avril' (April fish). The French fool friends by taping a paper fish to their backs. When you see one you yell, 'Poisson d'avril!'.
• Widespread observance began in the 18th century in England, where tricks can be played only in the morning. If a trick is played on you, you are a 'noodle'.
• In Scotland, April Fools Day is 48 hours long and you are called an 'April Gowk', another name for a cuckoo bird. The second day is called 'Taily Day' because it's dedicated to pranks involving the buttocks. It's lasting gift to posterior posterity is the 'Kick Me' sign.
• In India, the final day of the "Feast of Huli" begins March 31, and is traditionally celebrated by acts of mischief.
• Since 1980, the day has been celebrated in San Francisco CA as "St Stupid's Day", when a wacky parade is held.
• In NYC, the 20th annual (fictitious) "April Fool's Day Parade" will feature retired CBS-TV anchor Dan Rather as 'Grand Marshal', President George W Bush singing "Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition", Donald Trump handing out pink slips while wearing one, 'SpongeBob SquarePants' screaming "I'm not gay!", and Prince Harry dressed as a Nazi looking for the Halloween Parade. Parade committee chair and media hoaxer Joey Skaggs says that every year plenty of April fools show up along the Fifth Avenue parade route, accompanied by TV camera crews, for the sadly nonexistent event.
• This is also the beginning of "National Laugh Week" and "Humour Month", focusing on the therapeutic value and vital need for laughter and humour in health care.

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